Glimpse into the Woodlands Mindset

[Linda]

The following is from the Mingo (Appalachian Iroquois) language list I'm on:



"Kuwe Jordan, Why do I use the word for "she plants" for this? Is it because I'm a woman asking the question or do you always use the feminine form if you are just asking who and don't know if it's a woman or man."

"Bingo. The "she" form is always used for the "unknown". One could probably read a whole lot into that if they wanted."


[This message has been edited by Linda (edited 03-24-2002).]

[collins]

Mecou niwagenumpai nikas mi minek, mecou oka hoc ne de wa hey.
I wished to get your advise on some matters that have pressed on me for many years now. I ask for your prayers that I may find what I need in order to make sense of my Indianess. Being of Native American decent and involved on a, peripherial level, of exploring what that Indianess means for myself and my family I often come up with the same questions over and over again. This is of coarse is the way of things since all things work in cycles or in circular fashions. The key I guess is to spiral up with new answers to these questions or perhaps old answers laying un-rediscovered as yet. How do I commune with the rest of Native America? Should I allow myself to become the butt of hostile joking, open myself up to abuses where in I become a servant to organizations or groups that may in the end leave me nothing to show for my efforts? Is this line of self questioning a sign of selfishness or self aggrandizing? Where are my people? Where is the support network for Native Peoples that were not treated with, called extinct, or that live far from their ancestral home lands? How many life times/generations must pass by until all the in-fighting over who is the real Indians, who has the right path way, or who has the right shade or color of skin, comes to and end? I have read and heard so many things about who my people were and what groups of people I should or should not be involved with that it is overwhelming to the point of nausea. Hell I just want to learn my peoples language, drum and share in rituals to honor our ancestors and all life, and be a part of community. Community for me means a communion with people of a like mind, back ground, or experience. Face to face in the physical side by side community. Now don't get me wrong. I think cyber communities are a nice invention, but there is something lacking in the way of realness. My dream is to be able to go out into the woods and forests and observe wild life, plants, and rocks and walk away with an understanding of connection to life. Not only for the sake of communing with Monahena (Mother Earth), but to share in these experiences with others of my tribe. Not in vanity or to feel some notion of romanticized self-aggrandization. Just the feeling of being connected and apart of something real, something of communion with my people. Touch the clouds, being with Spirit, living life more fully and finding a happiness that sustains through daily tasks we all endure. Is it so wrong to want to share and be apart of community; my tribe, my people? We all have the need to understand what we are doing here and whether or not we are making a contribution or relating to life around us. I am thankful that so many up North and out back East are able to be involved in community building and renewal activities of our people. I find myself jealous of those things for here in good ol' Texas I have found nothing of the like even though I have searched and looked over the years for just such things. Perhaps I have looked too hard or allowed my fears to blind me to what may be here. I do not know for sure. This state, as big as it is, does not seem to hold much in the way of support networks with which to find community. At least not for me. I seem to find myself as the eternal outsider, an aberration or true ghostman of the woodlands. Am I alone? Is there a time or place for me in this thing called life. Why am I here? Who am I? What am I supposed to be doing anyway? Of all my relations and ancestors existence it comes down to me being born and living today. What does that mean for me? I will never have children for I am hyoka, two-spirit, like the honorable We-wha of the Navaho or Osh-Tisch of the Crow, or the sacred contrary clowns. Because of assimilation and religious hatereds someone like me is a pariah; a throw back to old days of "heathenism" and our native state which was much freer and natural. Where do I fit in to the tapestry of this life? Do I have value or am I just trash to be discarded quietly and quickly? Unlike the two-spirit/hyoka of the old days I feel empty, void, valueless, and generally have believed that sharing these things would cut off any way to forge links to Native America. It is as though my culture has gone into a coma and yet here I am trying to wake it to heal my inner wounds that I may one day help others of my tribe to heal as well. Yet I am in a landscape of singular overgrown mazes which lead ever deeper into more of the same. No one else is there and if they are I can not seem to find them or see them nor they me. So much has been done in the way of establishing traditions or keeping them alive in other tribes yet within my own we still remain in the dark past of forgetful comatose slumbers of which many do not wish to awaken from. Some few that seem to get an interest take upon the moment and seize up in operations of exclusion for what purposes they choose not to disclose. Secrets within more secrets. I don't think life is supposed to be so complicated. I have often thought of throwing in the towel on my heritage since I will have no one to pass it all down to anyway. As my dad once told me "what does it all matter anyway?". Something down deep inside moves me, compelles me to push onwards. Vision, dreams, intermittent spiritual experiences. Perhaps it is all a delusion from major depression, anxiety disorder, or just plain craziness. Perhaps it is my destiny to simply suffer and I have a hard time excepting it. I do not know for sure. My heart tells me what is just, what is fair, what is the right way; but most people around find those things to be errant or other wise not standard assimilated Americanized behavior/thought. Woe to the different for they represent a threat to the standard. So what does being a Saponi mean for one like myself? Does anyone have any insight or answer? Or as yet again do I have to define such for myself and take the heat of that being non native or in error. I need guidance. I need community. I need my tribe. I like the words from the album "Robbie Robertson & The Red Road Ensemble" ---"And in the winds which pass through these aged pines we hear the moanings of their departed ghosts and if the voice of our people could have been heard that act would never have been done but alas though they stood around they could neither be seen nor heard their tears fell like drops of rain I hear my voice in the depths of the forest but no answering voice comes back to me All is silent around me My words must therefore be few I can now say no more He is silent for he has nothing to answer when the sun goes down --- Chief Joseph "