mrspatino
12-04-2006, 02:06 PM
Native Christmas
10. At bedtime, kids would leave mutton stew and frybread for the big guy..
9. He would be wearing a red turtleneck to hide his hickeys....
8. Santa's new moccasins would be made out of Dasher....
7. He'd run around saying "aayyyy..." instead of "ho, ho, ho"...
6. A five pound block of cheese and day-old bread would be under every tree.....
5. His elves would never show up for work on Mondays and sometimes Fridays....
4. The sleigh would need a jump start in every other state and would have one donut tire....
3. He would navigate his sleigh by pointing with his lips.....
2. All his elves would be Hopi's from First, Second and Third mesa's.....
1. According to Indian time, our gifts would arrive in February....
Q: Do you know what a tribal fortune cookie is?
A: A piece of fry bread with a food stamp stuck in it! (AYE)!
Q: How are tribal men and fry bread alike?
A: They're both round, brown and greasy!
Q: What does a mother buffalo say to a boy buffalo when she sends him off to college?
A: Bye-son
Q: How do tribal people know when it's safe to go ice fishing?
A When all the white guys quit falling through.
Q: How can you tell a rich tribal person from a poor tribal person?
A: The rich tribal person has two cars up on bricks.
Q: Why is it so hard to take a group picture of a bunch of tribal people?
A: Cause when ya' say cheese they all line up.
Top 10 Things to say to a Non-Native When First Meeting....
10. Your hair is so beautiful, Can I touch it?
09. Can I take your Picture?
08. I learned about your peoples ways in Girl/Boy Scouts.
07. So, I hear the government steals you land.
06. I have always been fascinated with your peoples powdered wigs and knickers.
05. Do you people still live in log cabins and ride in covered wagons?
04. I have always wanted to square dance.
03. So, How much white are you anyway?
02. I'm part white myself, it goes way back in the family.
01. My great grandmother was a Full-blooded European princess.
Skindian Test.....
Can you pass this test?
The term "Buzzed-up" refers to:
1. Being let into a second-story building by having the door buzzed open.
2. Being called on the telephone.
3. Becoming suddenly ready to sing at the drum during a "49".
The term "Snag" refers to:
1. A pull in your clothes from getting them caught on something.
2. A piece of wood in a creek that puts a hole in your canoe.
3. A one-night stand.
The term "49" refers to:
1. A position like "69".
2. A latitudinal meridian of North America.
3. A party.
The term Squeeze refers to:
1. What you do to a sponge.
2. Extorting money from someone
3. The current object of your affections
The critical thing to know before a "49" is:
1. Location
2. Who has the drum.
3. The location of the nearest all-night convenience store to the "49".
The critical thing to know immediately after a "49" is:
1. Who has your car keys.
2. Who has your car.
3. Where you are.
The refrain of every "49" song is:
1. "(number) of bottles of beer on the wall"
2. "There's a tear in my beer"
3. "Heyaya heyaya yo hey!"
The term "Commodities" refers to:
1. Items on the stock exchange
2. A contraction of the term "come-oddities"
3. The wonderful, delicious assortment of dried, greasy, canned foods on the rez.
The term "Indian Car" refers to:
1. The latest model of the Jeep Cherokee.
2. A government car that has "Bureau of Indian Affairs" on the doors.
3. Anything on four wheels that will take you and your relatives to town
The term "Indian Time" refers to:
1. Being on time.
2. Being 25 minutes early.
3. Being 30 minutes to 1 hr late.
The term "Fancy Dance Contest" refers to:
1. Doing the macarena, competitively, at a high school prom.
2. A black-tie evening competitive-tango gala
3. Something only someone under the age of 20 - in good physical
shape and still hyperactive - attempts at a pow-wow.
The term "Traditional dance contest" refers to:
1. A Square Dance Competition
2. A sedate Waltz Competition.
3. Something only someone over the age of 20 - who knows better and is no longer hyperactive - attempts at a pow wow......
Being Indian Is......feeding anyone and everyone who comes to your door hungry, with whatever you have.
Being Indian Is......knowing to duck or hide when you see the cops from a mile away, even when you were a kid!
Being Indian Is......being broke all year long because you try to make every Pow Wow, gathering, and ceremony.
Being Indian Is......loving frybread and soup.
Being Indian Is.....knowing history started before 1492.
Being Indian Is......full of acronyms that affect your world (BIA, CIB, etc)
Being Indian Is......losing your job after the grant ends.
Being Indian is ......getting to go to a conference because you work for a new grant program.
Being Indian Is.......knowing how to snag and then lie about it.
Being Indian is.......knowing all the quick remedies to get rid of hickies.
Being Indian Is......playing outside, unsupervised on the REZ til 3:00 am.
Being Indian is .......either borrowing or lending money to your NDN brothers and sisters at least once a week.
Being Indian Is......having people ask if they can touch your hair or take your picture or how long have your been growing your hair...and so on...
Being Indian is......to be asked constantly if you still live in tee-pees or ride horses every where you go.
Being Indian is......worrying about diabetes.
Being Indian is......knowing why the REZ car in "Smoke Signals" was funny!
Being Indian is.......knowing why in "Smoke Signals," the line "do you have your passports?" is funny!
Being Indian is......knowing how to barter or trade for things you need and things you don't!
Being Indian is.......having more cousins than trees have leaves.
Being Indian is......laughing with your friends so much your facial muscles hurt.
Being Indian is......singing 49 songs using a garbage can for a drum or remembering the days.
Being Indian is......road trips cross country, back home OR just
because!
Being Indian is......knowing your treaty rights, and political JURISDICTIONS!
Being Indian is.......having the strength to move your family at any given moment, and making it.
Being Indian is......reading about your ancestors and relations in an anthropologist's paper.
Being Indian is.......losing your job because you're different or think your different
Being Indian is......having a song come to you at the oddest times. A-ho!!!
Being Indian is......celebrating the buffalo hunt, or the ripening of the corn, Indian days or the time of year!
Being Indian is.......not a part time thing.... ALL DAY, EVERY DAY!
Being Indian Is.......PRIDE
Being Indian is.......BEAUTIFUL
Being Indian is.......FOREVER
10. At bedtime, kids would leave mutton stew and frybread for the big guy..
9. He would be wearing a red turtleneck to hide his hickeys....
8. Santa's new moccasins would be made out of Dasher....
7. He'd run around saying "aayyyy..." instead of "ho, ho, ho"...
6. A five pound block of cheese and day-old bread would be under every tree.....
5. His elves would never show up for work on Mondays and sometimes Fridays....
4. The sleigh would need a jump start in every other state and would have one donut tire....
3. He would navigate his sleigh by pointing with his lips.....
2. All his elves would be Hopi's from First, Second and Third mesa's.....
1. According to Indian time, our gifts would arrive in February....
Q: Do you know what a tribal fortune cookie is?
A: A piece of fry bread with a food stamp stuck in it! (AYE)!
Q: How are tribal men and fry bread alike?
A: They're both round, brown and greasy!
Q: What does a mother buffalo say to a boy buffalo when she sends him off to college?
A: Bye-son
Q: How do tribal people know when it's safe to go ice fishing?
A When all the white guys quit falling through.
Q: How can you tell a rich tribal person from a poor tribal person?
A: The rich tribal person has two cars up on bricks.
Q: Why is it so hard to take a group picture of a bunch of tribal people?
A: Cause when ya' say cheese they all line up.
Top 10 Things to say to a Non-Native When First Meeting....
10. Your hair is so beautiful, Can I touch it?
09. Can I take your Picture?
08. I learned about your peoples ways in Girl/Boy Scouts.
07. So, I hear the government steals you land.
06. I have always been fascinated with your peoples powdered wigs and knickers.
05. Do you people still live in log cabins and ride in covered wagons?
04. I have always wanted to square dance.
03. So, How much white are you anyway?
02. I'm part white myself, it goes way back in the family.
01. My great grandmother was a Full-blooded European princess.
Skindian Test.....
Can you pass this test?
The term "Buzzed-up" refers to:
1. Being let into a second-story building by having the door buzzed open.
2. Being called on the telephone.
3. Becoming suddenly ready to sing at the drum during a "49".
The term "Snag" refers to:
1. A pull in your clothes from getting them caught on something.
2. A piece of wood in a creek that puts a hole in your canoe.
3. A one-night stand.
The term "49" refers to:
1. A position like "69".
2. A latitudinal meridian of North America.
3. A party.
The term Squeeze refers to:
1. What you do to a sponge.
2. Extorting money from someone
3. The current object of your affections
The critical thing to know before a "49" is:
1. Location
2. Who has the drum.
3. The location of the nearest all-night convenience store to the "49".
The critical thing to know immediately after a "49" is:
1. Who has your car keys.
2. Who has your car.
3. Where you are.
The refrain of every "49" song is:
1. "(number) of bottles of beer on the wall"
2. "There's a tear in my beer"
3. "Heyaya heyaya yo hey!"
The term "Commodities" refers to:
1. Items on the stock exchange
2. A contraction of the term "come-oddities"
3. The wonderful, delicious assortment of dried, greasy, canned foods on the rez.
The term "Indian Car" refers to:
1. The latest model of the Jeep Cherokee.
2. A government car that has "Bureau of Indian Affairs" on the doors.
3. Anything on four wheels that will take you and your relatives to town
The term "Indian Time" refers to:
1. Being on time.
2. Being 25 minutes early.
3. Being 30 minutes to 1 hr late.
The term "Fancy Dance Contest" refers to:
1. Doing the macarena, competitively, at a high school prom.
2. A black-tie evening competitive-tango gala
3. Something only someone under the age of 20 - in good physical
shape and still hyperactive - attempts at a pow-wow.
The term "Traditional dance contest" refers to:
1. A Square Dance Competition
2. A sedate Waltz Competition.
3. Something only someone over the age of 20 - who knows better and is no longer hyperactive - attempts at a pow wow......
Being Indian Is......feeding anyone and everyone who comes to your door hungry, with whatever you have.
Being Indian Is......knowing to duck or hide when you see the cops from a mile away, even when you were a kid!
Being Indian Is......being broke all year long because you try to make every Pow Wow, gathering, and ceremony.
Being Indian Is......loving frybread and soup.
Being Indian Is.....knowing history started before 1492.
Being Indian Is......full of acronyms that affect your world (BIA, CIB, etc)
Being Indian Is......losing your job after the grant ends.
Being Indian is ......getting to go to a conference because you work for a new grant program.
Being Indian Is.......knowing how to snag and then lie about it.
Being Indian is.......knowing all the quick remedies to get rid of hickies.
Being Indian Is......playing outside, unsupervised on the REZ til 3:00 am.
Being Indian is .......either borrowing or lending money to your NDN brothers and sisters at least once a week.
Being Indian Is......having people ask if they can touch your hair or take your picture or how long have your been growing your hair...and so on...
Being Indian is......to be asked constantly if you still live in tee-pees or ride horses every where you go.
Being Indian is......worrying about diabetes.
Being Indian is......knowing why the REZ car in "Smoke Signals" was funny!
Being Indian is.......knowing why in "Smoke Signals," the line "do you have your passports?" is funny!
Being Indian is......knowing how to barter or trade for things you need and things you don't!
Being Indian is.......having more cousins than trees have leaves.
Being Indian is......laughing with your friends so much your facial muscles hurt.
Being Indian is......singing 49 songs using a garbage can for a drum or remembering the days.
Being Indian is......road trips cross country, back home OR just
because!
Being Indian is......knowing your treaty rights, and political JURISDICTIONS!
Being Indian is.......having the strength to move your family at any given moment, and making it.
Being Indian is......reading about your ancestors and relations in an anthropologist's paper.
Being Indian is.......losing your job because you're different or think your different
Being Indian is......having a song come to you at the oddest times. A-ho!!!
Being Indian is......celebrating the buffalo hunt, or the ripening of the corn, Indian days or the time of year!
Being Indian is.......not a part time thing.... ALL DAY, EVERY DAY!
Being Indian Is.......PRIDE
Being Indian is.......BEAUTIFUL
Being Indian is.......FOREVER