Bill Childs
10-03-2004, 11:28 PM
Will Rogers died in a plane crash along with Wylie Post in 1935, but his humor will live forever........... here's a samplin'.....
"Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman... neither one
works.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in you pocket.
There are three kinds of men.....
..... The ones that learn by reading,..
..... The few who learn by observation...
..... The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence to convince themselves.
Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now an then to make sure it's still there.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring and roared some more... he kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
No matter how much I may exaggerate, it must have a certain amount of truth.... now rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as the truth.
We are here just for a spell and then pass on.. so, get a few laughs and do the best you can. Live your life so that whenever you lose, you're still ahead.
I don't make jokes, I just watch the Government and report the facts.
A diplomat tells you what he don't believe himself and the man he's tellin' it to don't believe him either, so everything balances. Diplomats meet and eat, then rush out and wire their Government they've completely fooled the other fella.
You can always joke good with a big man, but be sure he's a big man before you joke about him.
We'll show the world we are prosperous, even if we have to go broke to do it.
Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than Golf has.
It's not what you pay a person, but what he costs you that counts.
There is nothing as stupid as an educated man 'til you get him off the thing he was educated in.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
There is something about riding down the street on a prancing horse that makes you feel like something even when you ain't a thing.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old."
"Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman... neither one
works.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in you pocket.
There are three kinds of men.....
..... The ones that learn by reading,..
..... The few who learn by observation...
..... The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence to convince themselves.
Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now an then to make sure it's still there.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring and roared some more... he kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
No matter how much I may exaggerate, it must have a certain amount of truth.... now rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as the truth.
We are here just for a spell and then pass on.. so, get a few laughs and do the best you can. Live your life so that whenever you lose, you're still ahead.
I don't make jokes, I just watch the Government and report the facts.
A diplomat tells you what he don't believe himself and the man he's tellin' it to don't believe him either, so everything balances. Diplomats meet and eat, then rush out and wire their Government they've completely fooled the other fella.
You can always joke good with a big man, but be sure he's a big man before you joke about him.
We'll show the world we are prosperous, even if we have to go broke to do it.
Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than Golf has.
It's not what you pay a person, but what he costs you that counts.
There is nothing as stupid as an educated man 'til you get him off the thing he was educated in.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
There is something about riding down the street on a prancing horse that makes you feel like something even when you ain't a thing.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old."